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In this episode, Tessa and Nellie (https://www.nellieharden.com/) talk about:

• Circles show up in all sorts of places like music groups and choirs

• Growth happens in relationship, not isolation, which makes circles perfect for change

• Modern life with devices and social media makes it hard for families to do active listening with each other

• Get clarity about your child’s learning language so your message gets through e.g. pictures, words, movement

• Playing loud music really helped to prepare the 12-18 year olds for listening later – think of your attendees’ needs

• A clarity board enables you to write or draw what you hear the other person is saying and check you’ve got it right (up to 5 things you hear)

• A facilitator can provide third-party validation where a change in relationship / communication is the goal

• Aim is to create a space to develop truth and trust with the circle so that the amygdala doesn’t shut down processing too much flight and fight

• Rules for Nellie’s session is ROCKS: Respect, Obedience, Compassion, Kindness, Self-discipline

• Can take a break if things get heated to re-establish calm or use ‘square breathing’ (also known as even breathing) with tracing the square on the leg

• Make the participants aware of defence mechanisms such as sarcasm, mocking, dismissing, interrupting, ignoring and distraction – these are destructive forms of communication and you need to take a break if it happens

• In terms of time keeping, you can put a leeway / buffer for latecomers but also at the end in case you are in something deep and don’t want to interrupt the process

• A firm boundary is having phones away

• Acknowledging the role of hormones in relationships is important in this age group.

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